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Written by Marilyn Biggins on December 6, 1995, after her daughter Carroll's child was stilborn at Vassar Hospital in Poughkeepsie, New York. Today I saw the little child. She was so sweet looking - a perfect little child. The nurse pointed out (each of the three times I saw her) her beautiful nose. I touched her head and looked at where there was fuzz beginning to be hair when I lifted off her cap. I touched her mouth. The little mouth opened up as I touched it, and I could see the little one's gums. She was lying on her side when I asked to see her little body - 11 inches - not so little. The fingers were so perfect. Each finger was a little bigger than this // - fingernails, too. She seemed like a sweet baby, a little head about the size of an apple, and the little head looked so sweet in the hand-knitted hat. The nurse asked if I wanted to sit and hold her but I didn't. She was dressed in a white blanket, but I didn't want to hold her. I touched her face several times. The nurse made a small "Chris face" with her face. It was hard to tell she was a girl. The doctor said to me a boy before. I just think he didn't look well enough. I couldn't tell because I believed what the doctor said, and I really hadn't seen a penis that small and there was a little something sticking out. Finally, the priest came in to baptize the baby - Father Andrew - something with an a - Anthony I think. He has some water, was a chipper priest, and splashed the water on the baby's head. The nurse or priest asked the baby's name. "I don't know. There isn't one." The nurse said, "Give her a name." I said I didn't know what to call her. The nurse suggested, "Marie." "No, that's awful. What about Mary?" Okay, and the priest baptized her Mary. It was a very moving experience, very moving, and a sweet little baby, a perfect little baby. The little feet on the birth certificate were about 2 inches long. Her skin had begun to peel and each time I saw her it was like she had a peeling sunburn. I touched the little arm, left arm. She felt very real. Her eyes were closed; her mouth opened by me and the nurse. I don't remember her ears, but the nurse said everything was fine - and she looked very prefect. Twenty-eight years later, Carroll told her father Peter that she had thought of naming her baby Siobhan. |